George from the iconic Seinfeld show was always one of my favorite characters. He was afflicted with an epic lack of personal awareness (like Ricky Gervais in the original BBC Office, and Larry David in his current HBO show). Socially inept, more often than not finding himself in jaw-grindingly embarrassing situations.
“My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It’s one of the few things I do well.”
But there are some terrific life lessons to be learned from George…and not just what NOT to do (though there are plenty of examples of that in his body of work!). A recent posting on the Positivity Blog site dealt with some of the wisdom of George Costanza, which prompted me to expand on his concept. So here from the mouth of George (and his alter ego Art Vandelay) are some examples of what I mean.
“You should've seen the look on her face. It was the same look my father gave me when I told him I wanted to be a ventriloquist.”
1. Believe in yourself no matter what.
“If you take everything I’ve accomplished in my life and condense it down to one day, it looks decent!”
One thing George could do was eventually find a positive aspect of nearly everything he faced. On the surface, he presented himself as a whiner and complainer, always bitching about what he didn’t have, or how his life sucked, but give him a few moments and he will come up with a rationalization to help him through.
“Jerry, just remember: It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
It’s the belief you have behind the words that make the difference. How are they presented? With confidence? Swagger? Relaxed conviction? Listen to George and you’ll notice he is truly convinced of everything he says. Say it with confidence.
This isn’t a talent as much as it is a way of internally processing information so you can deal with life. That’s how George did it. He believed in himself, even though if asked, he’d say he didn’t.
2. Do the opposite.
In “The Opposite” George comes to the realization that since everything he does results in the wrong outcome, he decides to begin doing the opposite of what he thinks he should do. His luck changes and everything begins to go his way, including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees, and moving out of his parents' house.
"If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right."
Personal development gurus point toward the fact that the difference between you and more successful people is that they are doing something you are not doing. Sometimes it’s as simple as working harder; and sometimes it’s trying a different approach to the problem. Try something you haven’t tried. Use common sense and expand your comfort zone to try something that feels unusual for you. Sometimes it’s that simple.
3. Don’t blow things out of proportion.
If there is one thing George excels at, it’s for blowing things out of proportion.
"Yeah, I'm a great quitter. It's one of the few things I do well. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter; my grandfather was a quitter... I was raised to give up."
Everyday life will grind you down if you let it. Simplify the things that bother you by “Zooming Out”. Instead of asking the George kind of questions like, “…why is the whole world against me?” Rather ask “Will this matter in five years?” or “Will anyone lose his life based on my bad decision?” You’ll quickly realize that whatever you are dealing with isn’t as bad as you think, and you can handle it.
4. Sometimes coffee is not coffee.
In one hilarious scene in the episode “The Phone Message”, George and a woman sit in his car at the end of a date.
Woman: Do you want come upstairs for a cup of coffee?
George: No thanks, if I drink coffee this late at night, it keeps me up.
Woman: Well, ok, good night…
George: Take it easy.
End of date.
Sometimes a cup of coffee isn’t just a cup of coffee. And words are only one part of a communication. Be alert and don’t take things too literally (which George is wont to do). You might miss something…
5. Drop your grudges.
In the episode “The Apology” George is after an apology for a comment made when he was at a New Year’s party. He was freezing and wanted to borrow the host’s cashmere sweater. But the host said: “No, I don’t want to have the neck hole stretched out.” And everybody at the party laughed.
When George learns that the host is going through the 12-step program for anger management and is apologizing to the people he has wronged in the past, George sees his opportunity. But when confronted, the host calmly and mockingly says that he doesn’t need to apologize. Of course this does not end well, with George blowing up and screaming at a Rageoholics Anonymous-meeting.
Grudges serve no one. You suffer inner turmoil and the wronged person internalizes his rage. Hilarious TV, but pointless in life. Hence the saying “forgive and forget.” George didn’t say it…but you can.
6. It’s a problem if you think it’s a problem.
One of the big ongoing issues about George is that he’s going bald and how he feels it makes him less attractive. His fixation on this issue makes it an issue, because people pick up on it. Talking about it all the time makes it so.
"Hey, believe me, baldness will catch on. When the aliens come, who do you think they're gonna relate to? Who do you think's gonna be the first ones getting a tour of the ship?"
Be OK with whatever it is and those you encounter won’t give it a second thought. (Another good example is “The Goiter” episode…but that’s about Elaine, and this blog is about George…) Don’t make your world a response to what you think and believe.
7. Don’t be your own worst enemy.
George tries to manipulate people in elaborate ways, but is never successful. Many episodes end with George self-sabotaging a good thing by over-thinking or blowing it out of proportion.
"I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs."
So how do you get past being your own worst enemy sometimes? Just be yourself and always try to do your best, and it will pay off in the end. And live by the golden rule, but always remember that it’s your turn first. If you feel good about yourself, others will feel good about you, too.
The wisdom of George Costanza: Don’t do as I do, or do as I say. Do the opposite and it will serve you well.
"Yes, this is a business office, but I'm not a businessman per se. I'm here working for the people. I'm causing dissent, stirring the pot, getting people to question the whole rotten system." --- George Costanza